Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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