oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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