Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
