i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
