your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
