Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
