we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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