We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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