i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
