I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we're making bets on your personal life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
