I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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