Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
