It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
