i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
