Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
