is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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