honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
