Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
