you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
