Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
