Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You're like the curious george of whores
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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