explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
