her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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