We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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