i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
