Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
