Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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