Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
