I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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