marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
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there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The air taste purple.
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