question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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