I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
