I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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