Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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