I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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