i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You pole danced in your parka.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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