i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
