so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
