Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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