I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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