I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
