Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
this hospital has no fireball
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
