Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
