I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
