3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
