i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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