Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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