Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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