am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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