I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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