I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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