I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
