i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
