i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
