I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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