Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
