found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
