you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
