I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
