But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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