I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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